I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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