You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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