i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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