We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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