I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
