I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
