I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
