just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
