I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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