Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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