I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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