how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
