You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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