conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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