Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
