The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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