he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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