He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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