Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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