i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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