I'm drive I can fine osifer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
