You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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