I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
