So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
