its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
