My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
