You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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