Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
