Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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