Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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