so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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