You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize