i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
