Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
