I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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