i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
