why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
