saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
