Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
