She said her name was "party"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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