u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
