Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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