I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
