saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
