Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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