the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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