I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
