I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize