the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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