Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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