i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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