The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
