Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize