I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
worst night to have a conscience
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
