She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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