She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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