hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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