For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
