I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
